Hope is a revolutionary practice. Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you would just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up.
While we have not written recently about our adoption, it is something that we think and talk about each and every day. Could today be the day that we receive “the call” and meet our precious children? Could it be next month or will it be in a few years? As some say, being “paper pregnant” without a due date can have its ups and downs.
For the past year and a half we have made all of our plans tentatively. When we start teaching a class, we wonder if we will finish it. When we purchase a flight, we wonder if we will board the plane. When we celebrate a holiday, we wonder if next year we will celebrate with our children.
Their bedroom is decorated and ready. There are books waiting to be read. There are plenty of clothes, mostly dresses, hanging in the closet, but we aren’t sure if we will ever use them. How old will our kids be? Will this dress fit? Will we receive a girl or a boy? Or two girls or one of each gender? There are so many unknowns.
The most difficult unknown for us is wondering where our future kiddos are at. Are they in a safe place? Do they have a loving adult taking care of them right now? Were they given a hug today? Did they get enough for breakfast? How are they feeling? Are they happy, lonely, sad or depressed? We cannot wait to care for them and meet their needs in the best way that we are capable.
Overall the wait has gone well, better than expected. While we are thrilled to welcome young ones into our home we also acknowledge that it will be a challenging transition. We very much enjoy our life right now, just the two of us and know that the addition of children will be life changing. Thus, we have tried to make the most of the time that we have now before kids. We stay out late, sleep in on the weekends, take last minute trips to the beach, knowing that these things will be more challenging with children, although we are hopeful that they can still happen.
Our wait has been made easier by the fact that we have walked alongside several families in their adoption journey. Our family and friends have done this before and some are currently in the process. My work in the adoption and foster care field has also given me the opportunity to accompany and support several families in their journey to their child(ren). I have had families receive a placement on their first day of waiting and I have had families wait four years before receiving a placement. There is no rhyme or reason to why some families wait a long time and others wait a short time, but what I do know for certain is that the right kids come at the right time. I am convinced of this, they always come at the right time.
We have received a few different possible placements calls. They did not work out for various reasons, although these situations have left us with more questions than answers. But we continue to be convinced that they were not the children for us, and we have peace.
And so, what are we doing now? We are doing our best to be in the healthiest place possible for when our children arrive. We have gone to counseling and plan to continue via Skype when the kids come. We continue to work on bettering our individual selves as well as our relationship. We are reading book after book on adoption, attachment and parenting cross culturally. We sign up for webinars and other educational courses on these themes. We always believe that there is more to learn, more that we can do to be better prepared. We continue to write letters to our kids on a regular basis and look forward to giving these to them someday. We pray for our kids and trust that God is watching over them.
And we continue to hope. It is a revolutionary practice. It begins in the dark, and it is stubborn. We believe that if we continue to show up, continue to believe and do the right thing, the dawn will come, our kids will soon walk through our front door. We wait for them, we watch for them and we will work for them: we won’t give up. We are so excited and yet we are content until they come home for good.